2018

Every year I make New Years Resolutions. Like most people, I rarely follow through with them. It doesn't hurt to make them, though! Always looking for a fresh start. Theoretically, I'll post on the 1st of every month with an update, but we'll see how it goes.

1. Drink more water and absolutely no soda.
I get pretty lazy and drink soda far more often than I should. Overall I certainly drink more water, but I really need to cut out the soda once and for all. Also hoping to limit my cheats to one meal a week instead of an entire day of binge eating.

2. Limit my cheat days to once a week.
I still eat 100% vegan, but I really, REALLY need to cut out eating burgers and mac and cheese for every damn meal.

3. Take better care of myself in general.
-No sleeping with the television on
-Brush AND floss before bed
-Moisturize my skin after showering
-Don't go out in the cold with wet hair.
-Get on a regular sleep schedule.

4. Stop skipping my workouts.
I'd really rather actually be prepared for my upcoming half marathon, unlike my first one!

5. Actually track my food intake on MyFitnessPal
Just because I didn't log it, doesn't mean I didn't eat it!

6. Clean the house regularly instead of spending a 12 hour day cleaning the whole house every few months.

These are my goals for 2018! They may work out, they may change. Let's find out!

Graduate School? GRADUATE SCHOOL!

Things have taken a pretty sharp turn for the better since the last time I posted. Thank God.

I received a message from Dr. Kalbfleisch, suggesting that I should apply for the graduate program at UND. After some questioning, I found out they did in fact get rid of the Masters program, but they have a PhD program where you get both your Masters and PhD concurrently. Although I'm not entirely sure my GPA is good enough, I feel like as long as the application elements are good (letters of recommendation, high GRE score, excellent papers, etc.), along with Dr. K's influence, (as she's head of the department and clearly loves me), should be enough to have me admitted to the program. It's only 5 years, which is about half of what I thought it would be.

I am pretty excited about the prospect of being back in school. I didn't realize how much I missed it until it was too late (as far as I knew). Dr. K offered to let me do some graduate work with her the semester after I graduated, but as I'd been in school for two years straight with summer school, 21 credits every semester, and three jobs, I felt super burnt out. She said she totally understood and that I should take some time and come back the next year.

However, I initially panicked and had to talk it out with my besties, because that's why I keep them around. Unfortunately, they didn't have a unanimous opinion. While they were obviously very supportive, one of my friends suggested that if I was still incredibly passionate about a career in fitness, I shouldn't give up on that. She pointed out that Jessica Talbi (TuboKick Master Trainer) and Loretta Bates (my Zumba spirit animal, a Zumba Education Specialist) were once just instructors like me, and now look at where they are. It's a valid point, but I need 5 years of experience before I can be considered for a Master Trainer position, and I assume it's similar for Zumba. So I'd be eligible right around when I'm finishing my PhD.

Usually, if you're a Graduate Teaching Assistant, you receive a tuition waiver and only have to pay for books but not your classes themselves, as well as a small stipend. Regardless, Ethan will have his fancy lawyer job, so I can most likely afford to go to school again, even if I don't receive a tuition waiver. The other bonus of Ethan being at his new job is that I can quit working at Perkins during the week. I don't think that I can do 3 jobs AND graduate school. I can still teach my fitness classes because they require very little time outside of the classes themselves.

Quite possibly the biggest concern that I addressed with both my friends and with Dr. K was the blatant fact I don't think I'm smart/good enough to achieve a PhD. A Masters was a whole different ball game, to me. This is in no way trying to fish for compliments, but regardless of my good grades, I don't feel like I was a very good student. I rarely studied, wrote literally every paper ever the day before or even the day of, including my big 20ish page paper. One of my friends suggested that meant undergraduate classes weren't challenging enough. I think we'll go with that narrative over mine of "I'm a lazy piece of shit." Truth be told, it might be because I got As with that behavior, so I had no reason to really do things differently. I already know I can't get away with that crap in graduate school.

I know UND is infamous for not hiring their own graduates, and we're not looking to move. It's also a fairly big university, so I can understand maybe not hiring someone straight out of school. But I could also pursue a job at Northland, Mayville, Crookston, etc. In all honesty, I want this degree for ME. I enjoy school, and it might be a free or near free education. Why not go for it? But it's a LOT of work if I don't end up using it; that would be a waste, really. Regardless, if I get my PhD, you bet your ass I'm gonna make people call me Dr. Sonterre.

Another thing I considered was that, God forbid the worst should happen to Ethan, my fitness jobs as they are now are not enough to pay my bills. I would have to work at Perkins for the rest of my life and I'm seriously not looking to do that. Yes, I could maybe try to go back later, but I might as well do it now when I can afford it and have the time. I also want to go while I can still work under Dr. K; one of the reasons I didn't pursue my masters elsewhere is because I immensely enjoyed working with her during my undergraduate career.

The majority of graduate school is research and writing, two things I happen to actually be very good at. I looked over the classes and they seriously look super interesting! Despite my reservations, I do think I'd really enjoy pursuing a doctorate. I got a GRE prep book that I'm gonna start working on tomorrow, and I've already sent out emails requesting letters of recommendation. I asked Jen Dahlen from NCTC, because I really liked her and did very well in her classes. I also asked Jessica Zerr; I had her for only one semester, but I did well in her class as well and I felt like she liked me. I wasn't really close with any of my other professors, and many of them have actually left.

The Butterfly Effect

"A tiny butterfly flapping its wings in Central Park can cause a violent hurricane in the Pacific."

Have you ever heard this before? I've been playing a Playstation 4 game called "Until Dawn" where you make choices that can alter how the game plays out (none or eight of the characters may live to the end). I find the concept facinating and I've been obsessed with playing the game lately. While I'm not sure about the butterfly example, I whole heartedly understand the concept of small choices heavily impacting your life. I've actually been thinking about it a lot lately.

Last spring, I offhandedly decided to take a hip hop class. That seemingly innocuous decision severely altered my life in the best way. When I re-entered UND in 2014, I didn't have any friends at school; no one to sit with in class, hang out with in the Union, etc. My first year back was pretty lonely. In hip hop though, I ended up meeting a bunch of new friends.

Pretty much every night this semester, my new friends Kacie and Maia were over at my house. We were watching movies, or playing games, or studying. It really didn't matter, I just liked hanging out with them. Half our group text is about what we should do that night, and the other half is discussing what we should eat. My inner fat kid has recently escaped, Maia is a giant (over 6 feet tall!), and Kacie is a garbage disposal with the metabolism of a teenage boy. We are basically the forever hungry three muskateers. We also went to the movies, women's hockey games, and out to the bars occasionally.

Maia is literally one of the sweetest people I've ever met. She's funny, kind, and I tell her pretty much everything. She was over almost every night in December, watching Christmas movies with me while I wrapped presents. We also set up a TV and DVD player in the kitchen and marathoned Disney movies and rom coms as we baked and decorated Christmas cookies, while our men played video games in the basement and occasionally taste tested. It's one of my absolute favorite memories of 2015. For Christmas, I bought her some magnets with picture of us on them, and a pair of red fleece pajama pants with moose on them (because she loves moose, apparently). She got me a piggy bank that looks like an old school Coke machine (and I LOVE it!). One time, she came over and made us Indian tacos which were AMAZING. We have plans to go hard at the gym together this semester.

She is taking an extra year to pick up a double major and then she's planning on going to graduate school here, so she'll be around for awhile. If Ethan and I weren't planning on having kids in the near future, I'd definitely ask her if she and her boyfriend would want to move in with us. Though she does work at a daycare and she loves kids so maybe she wouldn't mind. I secretely hope she'll ask about our living arrangement so I can casually drop how cheap the rent is and that we have two extra bedrooms. But that's just wishful thinking on my part, I think, and quite possibly a huge stretch.

Unfortunately, Kacie moved back to the cities after we graduated a few weeks ago. Kacie was also over almost every night as well, and we were either watching movies or screaming profanities at each other playing Mario Kart and Mario Party. Unlike my friendship with Maia, Kacie and I base our relationship on insults and sarcasm. Don't misunderstand, I love every second of it. It's actually one of the things that drew me to her; she was one of the people I could sass and she'd do it right back instead of getting pissy. She and I had a class together this semester; we passed my phone back and forth playing Monopoly during class (we're model students). We also hung out in the Union between classes. She invited me on a girls' getaway this weekend, but I'm actually in Costa Rica this week with my husband. She did say the offer would (likely) be there next year and if so, I'll definitely take her up on it because it sounds super fun. Hopefully, I'll still get to see her since Mari just moved to Rochester and I'll probably be headed up that way pretty often.

Speaking of best friends, it seems like that label is more precarious now than it was as kids. Maybe I'm just weird about it or worried about others being weird about it, but I hesitate to label my new friends "best friends," but certainly not because I don't feel that way. Stupidly, I don't think Mari would care for me labeling Maia as my best friend (which is stupid, I know. You can totally have more than one best friend). I still love Mari with all my heart and no one can ever replace her. The other problem is, what if Maia doesn't feel the same way and the label weirds her out and she distances herself? Okay, this sounds really stupid, re-reading what I've written, but it's the way I feel so fuck it. Here's the thing though; I love Maia. I tell her almost everything, there's almost no one I'd rather spend my time with. People call us by each other's names on accident because we're always together. We became almost instant friends when we met in hip hop class. Sounds like best friends to me.

Same goes for Kacie. I spent the majority of my time with her the last six months. She was always the first person I texted to hang out or go get food with. I was happy to drive her around after her car accident. If I was getting married this year instead of 2014, these girls would 100% have been my bridesmaids in addition to my other girlfriends. As excited as I was to marry Ethan, I now wish I'd waited so all my hip hop friends could have come.

This post has gotten far too long and a little off topic. Small decisions really can make a huge difference in your life. I'm so grateful that I made that choice to take that hip hop class.

Reality is Sinking In...and I'm Ecstatic!!

This is going to be a very, VERY long update on a lot of different things. Let's get started.

First of all, reality is setting in that I'm actually, really, finally graduating from college!! I can't believe it. After years of struggling, depression, tears, and failure, I've finally done it. I'm sure graduating from college isn't THAT big of a deal for most people, but it is for me because of everything I've been through over the last eight years (granted, the last three years or so were pretty damn good to me).

I finished summer school with two As and three Bs. Not. Bad. Especially because one of them was a class I'd previously failed, and three of the were online. I'm pretty damn satisfied wtth that.

I'm still on the fence about graduate school. I'd like to go because I actually do enjoy school. However, right now, I am glad to be done soon. I look forward to January when it's bitterly, awfully cold outside but I don't have to get out of my warm cozy bed. I also am really looking forward to having more free time to work out and actually train for my first half marathon.

...seriously though. I'm super fucking excited to finally graduate!! Yeah, it's a communications degree which is a total slacker degree, one step above a general studies degree, but whatever. I'm already making my career as a fitness instructor. Wait, I have't told you about that yet, have I?!

So a week before my Zumba training, I wrote a sad resume and pretentious cover letter, and sent them both off to Kasey at the Hyslop and Mikelle at the UND Wellness Center. Two weeks to the day I submitted them, I called both places to see if they'd started hiring. Kasey told me he'd be starting the hiring in a few weeks, and that he'd call me back. The Wellness said that they were doing the hiring in a few weeks as well and they'd call me then; the kid on the phone also told me that no one else had called to check, so he would pass along that I was very eager and interested!

I got an email from Mikelle saying she was out of town but that she would call me to set up an interview the week of July 13th. I called or emailed Kasey once a week, every week, for about a month before he finally called me for an interview.

I was ecstatic when Kasey finally called me for the interview. My excitement was quickly replaced by a nervousness so strong I though I was going to throw up. I haven't had a job interview in over six years (my last interview was Perkins, and that was a joke. The manager just asked me about living with my best friend, who also worked there and who'd gotten me the job.). I swam off some nerves, showered, got dressed in my best Zumba attire, and got to the Hyslop twenty minutes early (oops). I stood in a side hallway and did some "power poses" to help me feel more confident. I probably looked ridiculous, but hey, it helped!

Finally, it was five minutes to my interview and I met Kasey upstairs, It started off really formal, why do you want to teach Zumba, etc, but it easily shifted to just casual conversation which was an immense relief to me. After a few more minutes of discussion, Kasey let me know that no one else had actually applied for the Zumba position, so I basically had the job, but the official word would come in August 1st. He also asked me if I was interested in teaching a section of hip hop. I said yeah, I am part of the Midwest Beat Crew and I love to dance hip hop. He told me five other people had applied for the hip hop job, but that he wanted a graduating senior rather than a sophomore or junior.

I'm gonna be honest; I felt really guilty about saying I'd like the hip hop job, as four of the other five people that had actually applied for the hip hop job were my friends from the crew, and I was being offered the job when I hadn't even officially applied for it.

A few weeks later, I hadn't heard back from Mikelle, so I called again. She wasn't in, but they left a message for her. She ended up calling me back the next week and setting up an interview for Wednesday the 29th. She said it would be a twenty minute interview, followed by a twenty minute demo (!). I practiced up on my routines and suited up for my interview.

I have to be real here: that was the single most intense interview I've ever had. There was like six pages of open ended questions that I had to answer and it was ridiculous. I thought I did pretty well. My demo went okay. I messed up a few times, but I recovered well. They said I clearly knew my Zumba stuff, but that they didn't see the bubbly personality they saw during the interview. I was a little disappointed that I hadn't done better, but they assured me it was something that came with practice., hinting that I'd be working on that at training.

Steph, the other woman that co-interviewed me with Mikelle, told me she was going on vacation on Friday, so I would hear before the weekend was up.

Kasey actually called me the next day and offered me one section of hip hop and one section of Zumba which I happily accepted! I posted on Facebook that I was excited about the Zumba job, but didn't announce my hip hop position until after I'd told the crew. I was relieved that they all seemed very happy for me. Mari, Laurel, Angie, Ethan, my mom, and Greta were all super stoked for me, which really made my heart soar, I wanted this so badly and I was thrilled to have gotten it. Not only is it something I really want to do, GODDAMN does it pay well!!

I didn't hear back from the Wellness, so I assumed I didn't get the job. Even though it only paid very little, I was still strangely disappointed that I didn't get the job. I'm not entirely sure why I was so disappointed; I got the big one at the Hyslop. I think it was really the first time in years I didn't get something I wanted (into school, a job, etc). I wasn't heart-broken, just a little disappointed. Especially because it really did sound like they liked me and that I'd gotten the job. I was going to send them an email thanking them for their time, at least.

...except Mikelle called me last Wednesday and offered me the job!! I was so excited I couldn't go back to sleep (it was like 8am). YAY!!!!!!! I met with Mikelle to start some basic training. I asked if I was interested in teaching another kind of class, if I needed to audition again or what the process for that was. She offhandedly asked me what I was interested in teaching and I mentioned that I also had my PiYo certification. She happily told me that they only had one PiYo instructor and that she would love another one.

At first, I kind of brushed it off. I really want to teach Zumba, plus I do not know ANY PiYo choreography. I didn't have a job teaching it anywhere, so I didn't bother to learn it. But I thought about it for a bit; I paid a nice chunk of change for that certification, plus I already have a Zumba job. I told her that I changed my mind, and that I actually did want to teach a PiYo class. Plus, if I get experience teaching PiYo at the Wellness Center, I can try to convince Kasey to open up a PiYo class at the Hyslop where I can make the big money. I'm officially teaching two Zumba classes and one PiYo classes at the Wellness Center!

I really need to spend this weekend working on my PiYo choreography because I absolutely cannot show up unprepared! I think I'm going to learn one full body routine, and then switch it up SLIGHTLY each week, depending on who is coming. If less that two people come, I have to cancel class. We decided to try morning classes (7am...oh god), so I hope that people show up!! I have to be there twenty minutes early, so if I show up at 6:40 and no one comes..I'll be very unhappy.

I got everything I wanted. My career as a fitness instructor is beginning, and I can't frickin' wait! After I prove what a totally excellent fitness instructor I am, I'm going to really push Kasey to let me teach more classes. I'm hoping for one or two sections each of hip hop, a Zumba, a PiYo, and 5k training classes (1/2 semester each). The 5k classes would be half a semester, about 8 weeks, which is the perfect amount of time for the Couch to 5k. I feel like if I'm training for a half marathon and have run like twenty 5ks, I'm definitely qualified to teach a 5k training course. Plus, spring semester would be just in time for the Fargo 5k in May, so that would be perfect!

Oh, and side note, I'll be working out for about two hours a day, at least 5 days w a week. I'm seriously going to be in amazing shape!

BUT...three jobs, hip hop crew, and 21 credits might have been a bit too much to take on my last semester. If I get too overwhelmed, I'm gonna drop one of my shifts at Perkins. Mikelle asked me how many classes I wanted to teach a week, and proceeded to look at me like I was insane when I said six. The thing is, I tend to do better when I'm busier, if that makes sense. If I'm constantly busy and working and moving and doing stuff, I keep moving and working and doing stuff. It's hard to explain, but if I'm busy, I won't sit on the couch all the time like a lump. Plus, I'm planning to have study tables with the crew. I'm sure most other people won't be much for doing their homework on the weekends, but honestly I have to utilize the spare time I have. I set up a schedule...I think I'll be okay.

Usually, I am DEAD SET on getting As, but it's my last semester. I just want to pass. I just want to pass, graduate, and celebrate! I look forward to seeing all my hip hop friends again. Kacie and Maia (who did visit a few times) and Michelle and Jenny....so excited for everyone to come back!

A New Adventure...

I told you I was taking a Zumba class for school, right? Well, a few weeks ago, my instructor, Kelsey, asked me if I'd ever considered getting certified.

See, we had to choreograph and "teach" a routine in her class; my group basically said they didn't care and I had experience choreographing from my hip hop class, so I picked the song and made up a simple routine. I love an audience, so when our group got up, I did my best to imitate an actual instructor.

Anyway, Kelsey told me they are really short of Zumba instructors both at the Hyslop (the classes taught for credit) and at the Wellness center, and that she got a full time job somewhere else so she was leaving as well. She told me if I got my certification this summer, she would let her supervisors at both places know that I was getting certified, that she's seen me instruct a few times, and that they should give me the job(s).

I signed up to get my certification in Fargo on June 13th. On June 14th, I'm going to put in my application at both the Wellness and the Hyslop. Did I tell you that I can make BANK teaching Zumba? As an undergrad, I would make $400/month per class section teaching at the Hyslop (which jumps to $600 once I graduate). I would only make minimum wage teaching at the Wellness, but that's okay because I would LOVE the job.

Plus, if I were to get jobs at both of these places, I could try to open up a PiYo section at both the Hyslop and the Wellness center. I realize my degree is in communications, but I would absolutely love to have a career as a group fitness instructor! I'd basically be getting paid to work out....my dream job is getting paid for working out (and blogging!). It totally fulfills the phrase "find a job that you enjoy so much you never work a day in your life" (it's something like that, anyway). Maybe one day I could even open my own fitness studio...

Back to reality, though. I didn't want to apply for a job with nothing prepared, so I had my friend Andy, who got me into Zumba in the first place, teach me about 5 of his routines so I'll have some stuff ready to go when I get these jobs.

I'm so excited! However, if I somehow don't get either job, I'm going to be horribly, horribly disappointed..and also out about $350 for training.

Nah, I'll get them.  :)

What is my Life About?

To answer that question...

I have no freaking idea.

When I decided to go back to school in 2013, I'll be honest and say I was doing it purely because of the societal pressure to have a college degree; my family sure put the screws to me when it comes to having a degree that they even know I have little to no intention of using (I was hoping to apply for that "well educated house wife" position I heard might be opening after Ethan graduates from law school).

Something has changed, though. First of all, this is the first semester at UND that I've actually enjoyed. My first semester was terrible and last semester wasn't much better. I didn't take any classes for just my enjoyment last semester, and that was a huge mistake.

However, I ended up LOVING my Interpersonal Communication class, particularly because of the teacher. Dr. Kalbfleisch was so interesting and she actually ended up offering me an undergraduate teaching assistant position for this semester that I eagerly agreed to....I'll get back to that in a minute.

I'm really enjoying almost all of my classes, with the exception of two. I had to take another math & science credit. Although I really enjoyed the two math classes I took at Northland, I think that had a lot to do with the teachers that I had there. They were excellent and the tutor at the math lab was super helpful and I think that had a lot to do with my enjoyment and good grades. I didn't want to take a class that I wouldn't do well in, so I instead elected to take Astronomy. I literally couldn't care less about it, but it was a two credit class and a coworker had taken it and said it was pretty easy and it fit into my schedule. The teacher is really nice (he did use the word "irregardless," though), but it's so boring....ugh. But, I have to do it so I will. Which is the same philosophy that I apply to my Media Writing class. I should enjoy that class, but it's awful. Maybe I should have had a different teacher? I don't know, but that class is required for Communications majors, so I didn't have a choice.

On a brighter note, my other classes are SUPER interesting. Surprisingly, one of my most favorite classes is my history class. It's "World Civilization," and the professor lectures in an interesting and funny way; which is good, because a history class at 9 am on a Monday morning sounds like a recipe for a nap. But nope, I am sitting with full focus forward.

I'm taking Intro to Linguistics, which is so interesting and basically heaven for a grammar nerd like myself. The teacher is really nice, and I'm legitimately interested in what we're being taught. It's a lot more difficult that I was expecting it to be, but I like it enough to try really, really hard to understand it.

For fun, I decided to take hip hop and Zumba classes. Zumba hasn't started yet, but I've already done it before at Choice Fitness where my coworker also teaches. But hip hop...people, I have two dance styles-"drunken jellyfish having a seizure," and "'ho at the bar." I'm also the only not skinny person in the class. Despite all of that, I'm still one of the more coordinated people in the class which is shocking. But it's so much fun! I love to dance and I don't get embarrassed easily, so I all of the above doesn't bother me.

But getting back to that TA position; I really like working with Dr. Kalbfleisch. I'm taking a different class with her in addition to the class I'm the UTA for. I've enjoyed her classes so much that I am actually considering going to graduate school. Although my GPA isn't where it should be for graduate school, I think I would do really well. I know I could get excellent letters of recommendation from Dr. Kalbfleisch, Dave Kiefel, the head of the Communications department who also happens to be an old friend of my mom, and I'm sure my general manager at Perkins would also write me one. I think if I write a stellar letter of application along with the recommendations, I think I would get in. Ideally, I would like to study under Dr. Kalbfleisch; that's honestly a major reason I want to go to graduate school is to work with her more; in my application, I do get to suggest a professor to work under. I'd also really like to get a TA position.

I haven't told anyone besides my husband and best friends that I'm even considering graduate school. Very few people read this blog, certainly not my family. I don't think I will even tell them until I get in. If I heartbreakingly don't, then they never need to know.

Maybe I'm not just in it for my piece of paper. Or maybe I just want to make people call me Master Sonterre. Ha!

Mixed Feelings About My Education

I was hoping to graduate in the spring of 2016. I was required to meet with an academic advisor on Tuesday. I found out that if I am able to get into all the right classes, I can actually graduate with a degree in communications (with a focus on journalism) next December. WHAT.

I have mixed feelings about this. On the one had, regardless of what anyone else says, I am embarrassed to still be an undergraduate at the age of 25. It's the truth, and in that regard, I am ecstatic to be able to graduate soon. Laurel asked me how I felt about the degree I was getting, which is where the mixed feelings come in. My answer to her was "I will have my piece of paper that marks me as a 'normal,' productive member of society." People (read: FAMILY, both relation and in-law) will stop giving me a hard time about school.

The last two semesters have been pretty miserable for me; I have not enjoyed my classes at all. I am bored to tears by what I'm being taught in my communication classes. So why am I taking them when I'm more interested in sociology or psychology? Here's the thing: at this moment, I have very little interest in going to graduate school. A degree in sociology or psychology is essentially useless unless you go further than a bachelor's degree, so even if I'd enjoy the classes more, I'd have a basically useless degree. While communications classses bore me to death, I can get a job with just a bachelor's degree and I honestly think the jobs available with that degree would be enjoyable to me. I love to write.

I have to do an internship of some sort. Studio One is well-known, especially on the UND campus, and they are taking applications for the spring semester. While it's not my first choice as an internship, I have a friend who has worked at WDAZ for about two years; if I intern at Studio One and have my friend put in a good word, I could theoretically (and hopefully!) get a job there in the future.

What I really love to write is poetry, blogs, and short stories. The problem is, those fall into the "not very practical" career category. I really do love to write short stories, but I also read a lot, and I know my writing is not very good. I think I have promise, but my writing is missing details; I can't seem to finesse them in. I know I'll get better if I work at it, but it's still highly unlikely that I could make a career out of it.

My favorite, by far, is the blogging. I've been doing it for two years and it's SO cathartic. Again, not likely to be a career; I've been writing my health and fitness blog for almost two years now, and I'm pretty sure my only regular reader is Laurel. If I could bring myself to promote my blog, that'd be great. But I can't do it; I made a facebook page twice and twice I deleted them. For some reason, I'm just fine sharing my struggles with complete strangers, but the idea of my family and friends reading it makes me uncomfortable. Why? No freaking idea. It's not like they don't know about it. It's probably because I am completely, transparently, honest in those blog posts; probably more honest than I am in "real life." I started and continued the blog for me. I didn't start it with an audience in mind.

I think I've said this before, but Mari once asked me "If you weren't worried about money, what would you do? What do you enjoy?" I love working out and writing. That's what I would do with my time if I didn't have to work. The ironic part? Blogging is my favorite thing that I wish I could make a career. Blogging in no way, shape, or form (at least the blogs I write) needs a degree. Figures.