Things have taken a pretty sharp turn for the better since the last time I posted. Thank God.
I received a message from Dr. Kalbfleisch, suggesting that I should apply for the graduate program at UND. After some questioning, I found out they did in fact get rid of the Masters program, but they have a PhD program where you get both your Masters and PhD concurrently. Although I'm not entirely sure my GPA is good enough, I feel like as long as the application elements are good (letters of recommendation, high GRE score, excellent papers, etc.), along with Dr. K's influence, (as she's head of the department and clearly loves me), should be enough to have me admitted to the program. It's only 5 years, which is about half of what I thought it would be.
I am pretty excited about the prospect of being back in school. I didn't realize how much I missed it until it was too late (as far as I knew). Dr. K offered to let me do some graduate work with her the semester after I graduated, but as I'd been in school for two years straight with summer school, 21 credits every semester, and three jobs, I felt super burnt out. She said she totally understood and that I should take some time and come back the next year.
However, I initially panicked and had to talk it out with my besties, because that's why I keep them around. Unfortunately, they didn't have a unanimous opinion. While they were obviously very supportive, one of my friends suggested that if I was still incredibly passionate about a career in fitness, I shouldn't give up on that. She pointed out that Jessica Talbi (TuboKick Master Trainer) and Loretta Bates (my Zumba spirit animal, a Zumba Education Specialist) were once just instructors like me, and now look at where they are. It's a valid point, but I need 5 years of experience before I can be considered for a Master Trainer position, and I assume it's similar for Zumba. So I'd be eligible right around when I'm finishing my PhD.
Usually, if you're a Graduate Teaching Assistant, you receive a tuition waiver and only have to pay for books but not your classes themselves, as well as a small stipend. Regardless, Ethan will have his fancy lawyer job, so I can most likely afford to go to school again, even if I don't receive a tuition waiver. The other bonus of Ethan being at his new job is that I can quit working at Perkins during the week. I don't think that I can do 3 jobs AND graduate school. I can still teach my fitness classes because they require very little time outside of the classes themselves.
Quite possibly the biggest concern that I addressed with both my friends and with Dr. K was the blatant fact I don't think I'm smart/good enough to achieve a PhD. A Masters was a whole different ball game, to me. This is in no way trying to fish for compliments, but regardless of my good grades, I don't feel like I was a very good student. I rarely studied, wrote literally every paper ever the day before or even the day of, including my big 20ish page paper. One of my friends suggested that meant undergraduate classes weren't challenging enough. I think we'll go with that narrative over mine of "I'm a lazy piece of shit." Truth be told, it might be because I got As with that behavior, so I had no reason to really do things differently. I already know I can't get away with that crap in graduate school.
I know UND is infamous for not hiring their own graduates, and we're not looking to move. It's also a fairly big university, so I can understand maybe not hiring someone straight out of school. But I could also pursue a job at Northland, Mayville, Crookston, etc. In all honesty, I want this degree for ME. I enjoy school, and it might be a free or near free education. Why not go for it? But it's a LOT of work if I don't end up using it; that would be a waste, really. Regardless, if I get my PhD, you bet your ass I'm gonna make people call me Dr. Sonterre.
Another thing I considered was that, God forbid the worst should happen to Ethan, my fitness jobs as they are now are not enough to pay my bills. I would have to work at Perkins for the rest of my life and I'm seriously not looking to do that. Yes, I could maybe try to go back later, but I might as well do it now when I can afford it and have the time. I also want to go while I can still work under Dr. K; one of the reasons I didn't pursue my masters elsewhere is because I immensely enjoyed working with her during my undergraduate career.
The majority of graduate school is research and writing, two things I happen to actually be very good at. I looked over the classes and they seriously look super interesting! Despite my reservations, I do think I'd really enjoy pursuing a doctorate. I got a GRE prep book that I'm gonna start working on tomorrow, and I've already sent out emails requesting letters of recommendation. I asked Jen Dahlen from NCTC, because I really liked her and did very well in her classes. I also asked Jessica Zerr; I had her for only one semester, but I did well in her class as well and I felt like she liked me. I wasn't really close with any of my other professors, and many of them have actually left.
