Tiffany's Guide to Dining Out

I work as a server and there are just some people who seem to not understand the proper way to behave when dining out in a restaurant. No worries, I'm here to help!

1. If you can't afford to leave a tip, you can't afford a sit down restaurant.
Seriously. Go get fast food if you can't afford a tip (looking at you, high school kids!). I make less than five dollars an hour. Unless you legitimately received bad service, you need to leave a good tip! I will remember you, if you ever come in again.

2. Don't blame the servers for things out of their control.
I can't control prices of items, how long your food takes to cook, or rules about substitutions. I don't make up rules just to be mean. If I tell you we can't do a substitution, please don't argue.

3. PLEASE treat your server with respect.
-I am not beneath you because I work in food service, nor am I your slave; please don't treat me as such.
-Please don't condescend to me. I know how to do my job. I don't need you to tell me how over medium eggs are cooked.
-It's extremely disrespectful to just completely ignore me by talking or being on your phone; I only need two minutes of your time to take your order. Please pay attention so you hear any information you need (what kind of soup we have, etc.) and answer any questions I ask you.
-Please don't shout at me from across the restaurant.
-Speak up! I can't hear you if you whisper and/or speak with your head down.

4. Tell me if there's a problem and allow me to fix it.
If something is wrong with your food, anything at all, please tell me right away and let me fix it. If you choose not to say anything, fine, but please don't complain to a manager after the fact when you didn't provide me the opportunity to fix it.

5. Pay attention.
When I bring your food and ask you "Is there anything else I can bring for you?" pause, look at your plate, and think about what you need. Please don't send me on seven trips for things that can be brought in one trip (i.e. ketchup, napkins, refills).

6. You are NOT my only customer (most likely).
-If you come into a restaurant and see it's completely full, have some patience (especially if you see I am the only server on!!). If there are people that were there before you, their orders are going to be taken first.
-Cut your server some slack. Sometimes we get all of our tables sat at once or have a table that sends us running eight times. I promise I'm doing my best!

7. Pay attention to the hours of operation.
I can't leave until you do, so please don't come in at five minutes to close. How would you like it if I came to your job right before closing and made you stay an extra hour?
-If you really can't go to a different restaurant that is open 24/7 (there are at least four in town), then at least get your food to go.

8. Keep your hands to yourself.
Unless you personally know your server, do not touch them. It makes me so uncomfortable when a customer grabs my arm or even my hand. It's inappropriate, no matter how innocent the intent. A pat on the shoulder, sure, but don't grab my arm.

9. Be courteous to other customers as well.
-If you send me running eight times for things that could have been brought in one trip, you're preventing me from tending to my other customers.
-Please don't interrupt me when I'm taking another table's order. It's rude to them and to me.
-Watch your volume and your language. Please don't be loud or swear, especially when there are children around.

10. If you're coming in to eat with a large party (more than 8), please call ahead.
-We can be better prepared if we know ahead of time.
-All rules stated above need to be followed double. You need to be patient, and you definitely need to be quiet. It's impossible to take an order of 20 with everyone talking and laughing very loudly.

I also have a few tips for other servers, from a customer's perspective.

1. Don't treat me like I'm an inconvenience.
I pay your wages with your tip, angel face. You don't have to be Energizer-Bunny-on-crack friendly, but don't be rude to me. If you give me bad service, I will NOT leave you a tip.

2. Listen when I order.
I don't talk just to hear the sound of my own voice. If I ask for a lot of ice and get one cube, I'm not happy.  I'll tell you everything I need right from the get go; extra napkins, ketchup, ranch, etc.

3. Check back on me.
Don't come back just to bring my check. I usually don't need much, but refills are big with me. Your tip will go up if you bring me more water without me having to ask. I understand if you're busy, but you can make at least one trip back to check on me.

4. Don't judge.
Don't treat me like I'm inferior because I'm in my twenties. I went out for Valentine's Day and there were three other couples (in their 30s or 40s) who also had reservations at 7pm. My boyfriend and I were there first but all of the other couples were sat before us; they were also sat at better tables. NOT COOL, rude hostess at Giuseppe's.

Obviously, these are just my opinions; you're entitled to disagree. I just think maybe some people just don't know the proper way to behave when out to eat (if you've never worked in food service, YOU DON'T KNOW THE HORRORS!), and I just wanted to give you some advice in a more friendly manner than my roommates suggest; their rule of thumb is for all aspects of life, which is simply "Don't be a dick." But that wouldn't make for much of a blog post, would it?

So if you feel you can abide by these guidelines, come visit me some time. You'll get the best service in town! :D

p.s. can you tell I had a great time at work this weekend?

Paula Marie Hayertz

This week, Jen read us a memoir about losing her grandmother. My own grandmother passed away about a month and a half ago; Monday would have been her 91st birthday.

The last few years of my grandma's life were not pleasant, for her or for us. She suffered severely from Alzheimer's, which worsened significantly after my Grandpa's passing in August of 2011. She rarely knew who we were-she often thought my brother was my uncle-and argued if we tried to tell her otherwise. She was also frequently frightened and confused, thinking she was back in Germany during World War II. Due to her severe disease, her passing was more of a blessing. The loving, fun, wonderful woman my Grandma was died years ago with her mind; this was only her body.

But things weren't always like that, as my brother reminded us all at her funeral. Years ago, my grandparents` house was the greatest place ever. Going to Grandma's was the greatest of treats. There were books to color, games to play, and freshly baked goods.

Looking back now, I can pinpoint when we started to lose her. About six years ago, my brother brought his girlfriend (now his wife), Sarah, to Christmas Eve at Grandma and Grandpa's for the first time. Christmas Eve at Grandma and Grandpa's was a huge tradition in our family. Sarah had bought a sweater for my Grandma. When a she opened it, she smiled and said "This is such a lovely sweater. I think I'll wear it next time I go out with my German friends." Sarah told her she was welcome, and we continued to open our gifts.

A few minutes later, she repeated, "This is such a lovely sweater. I think I'll wear it next time I go out with my German friends." We looked at her, smiled, and continued on. Again, she repeated a few minutes later, "This is such a lovely sweater. I think I'll wear it next time I go out with my German friends." We all laughed, and she smiled. The fourth time she repeated it, it started to become a joke. We'd ask her what Sarah had given her, if she liked it, and where she'd wear it. I remember we were all in tears laughing, her and my grandpa included. She laughed because we were laughing, and she was so happy to have family there.

It became apparent soon after that it was no longer funny. But we'd all forgotten how wonderful my Grandma used to be, before she succumbed to that terrible disease. I miss my Grandma, who she used to be. But I'm glad she's no longer frightened or in pain; she's at peace.

This is a picture of my Grandma and me at my third birthday party.

Those Who Say Happiness is Sunshine...

"Those who say happiness is sunshine, have never danced in the rain."

I find rain wonderful. It's romantic and soothing. Rain, of all things, brings out my deepest inner creativity. I write all sorts of sad songs and such when it rains. I just wrote a poem about the rain! When the power went out last summer, my roommates and I sat in the living room and watched the storm through our big picture windows. 

My inner child LOVES to puddle jump and dance in the rain with my friends (judge me all you want, neighbors!). I also like to swim and play soccer or football in the rain, which I'm sure is totally safe. I love those days were it just drizzles all day long. Curl up in my big chair with a good book and a giant mug of coffee....it's like the greatest thing in the world. I'd like to try running in the rain, but I don't want to ruin my iPod. I think running in the rain would be all cliche and awesome. I like cliches.

Now having said all that, I HATE thunder. It scares the ever living crap out of me. I have no idea why; obviously thunder can't hurt me. But I've just never been a big fan of loud noises, which is ridiculous because my whole family is very, very loud. To be even more strange, I really like lightning, which actually CAN hurt me. My logic is clearly flawless. Just like me. Ha. So funny, I know.

Not that I don't like sunshine-y days, because I do. They serve their purpose. But drizzly, rainy, cuddle-with-your-coffee-and-book days are one of the things that I consider to be a simple pleasure in life.